Never Getting Old: September Crowdfunding Grumpy

JW: “Hey kids, let me tell you how Athena and I first met. It was a few years ago, this very weekend, that I had posted something on Boardgamegeek about my birthday presents. Some cool games. She wished me happy birthday and we kept mailing. We had noticed each other from posts on BGG, we both liked each other's writing style. We had also both had the same idea of starting a “sifting through the Kickstarter announcements for solo games” thread. Of course Athena really started it, as I am basically very lazy. Anyway. Fast forward to 2019, when…”


Athena (entering the office): Did you post it? Eh. What are you doing?


JW (stops the videocam): Recording our first podvid. Cast. Videopod. It’s time we got on YouTube!


Athena: So that’s why you shaved.


JW: And opened a few buttons of my shirt, yes.


Athena: Nobody wants to see that bush of grey hair.


JW: But all the gaming girls do it! All right, I’ll button up.


Athena: And we don’t want a vodcast.


JW: We don’t?


Athena: 🙄 No. So. Did you post it?


JW: Post what?


Athena: Zerbique’s news post!


JW: Can’t I do it tomorrow?


Athena: No! We’re a news website. News is supposed to be fresh. Get to it. I can’t do everything myself.


JW (mumbling): I remember the time you still wished me happy birthdays.


Athena: What is it now?


JW (louder): I remember the time you still wished me happy birthdays.


Athena: What is that supposed to mean?


JW: It’s my birthday.


Athena: Congratufuckinglations. Now publish the post.




[two hours later]


JW: Done. What are you writing?


Athena: Agemonia announcement.


JW: Eew. Is that a disease?


Athena: Story-telling game.


JW (nodding): A disease then. Here's another one, Light in the Mist. It has a Tarot deck. Want?


Athena: Nah. You solve the puzzles once and then you're left with a deck that's not quite a tarot. They mist the point.


JW: Ah, finally. Eleven. I’ve been waiting for that one. "Spinal Tap: The Board Game."


Athena: Haven't you ever played Football Manager on the pc? It’s an economic strategy game based on real-world team management.


JW: Economic, eh? Pity. But yeah, football’s all economics. Some pretty cool scenarios out there though. Balancing the lives of slave labourers against the building costs of a World Cup stadium. Coping with near bankruptcy of your team after paying a star player an absurd income year after year.


Athena: I thought you liked football.


JW: Oh I do. I really like watching the game. I don’t like the world surrounding it. Our world. Give me a fantasy world in my games. I might have been interested in that other one, Myth & Goal, but unfortunately it's not about football. Whatever the Americans say. What sports do you like? Relaxing ones? Tournament Fishing?


Athena: No, I don't like to struggle to catch food.


JW: Space! I saw two space games for September. Solar Sphere is a must-buy. In this dice placement game, players can manipulate their dice using drones. I always wanted to have a drone.


If I had an extra brain, I’d totally back Voidfall for the SF setting alone. But battles are fully deterministic and rely on good preparation and outsmarting one of those Turczi bots. I can’t bloody understand how to operate them. If you think COIN flowcharts are complex, you should try one of his creations. So, I guess I’ll turn back to good old Space Empires 4X for my fix.


Athena: You can also look into Perpetuity: Grave Descent. It's about an artificial star system that's "misbehaving". You are called in to teach it a lesson.


JW: Oh, do I get to spank any alien bums?


Athena: Don't get too excited, it's a worker placement game. If you're in for some high seas adventure, there is Quests & Cannons: The Risen Islands. It is recommended for families, though.


JW: Thanks for crushing my fantasies. Oh look, a girly game. In Verdant, you are trying to create the coziest interior space by collecting and arranging houseplants and other objects within your home. Just like you do in real life!


Athena: Don't buy into stereotypes, JW, guys also enjoy decorating with plants. And then forget to water them. Your cacti look neglected.



[two days later]


JW (smiling in the video camera, wearing a tight shirt): "... Now, another one that will be on Kickstarter soon, is environmental co-op The Spill. In which you can yell at, not soldiers this time, but marine animals, 'Die for oil, sucker!' I am really loo..."


Athena (entering the office): Did you post it? Eh. What are you doing? What exactly is it you don't understand when I say no?


JW: But... Okay. Sorry. Post what?


Athena: The September Grumpy! The one that was supposed to be online 5 days ago!


JW: Can’t I do it tomorrow? We could be the next Ant Labs, or like, Rahdo and Eleni.

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