Narrative drivel
- I want to play a fantasy game, but I have no imagination at all.
- No problem, we couldn't let a story emerge from gameplay and mechanics if we tried. We hired a writer for a huge storybook.
- But I am no reader.
- We'll let somebody read it to you. Don't worry, we got you covered.
- Strategy is not really for me.
- You'll only have to play the fights. You'll read - or listen, yes - to all developments in the first 30-40 minutes per session, and we'll reward you with the epilogue afterwards. We don't advertise 45+ hours for nothing.
- Counters or standees don't really do it for me.
- We're way ahead of you: minis galore.
- Hey, how can I tell which of these 3,000 are female?
- It will be easy. We'll blow up their boobs for you.
- Wait, a forest, a tree, what's a tree?
- You'll find out. We'll include these huge plastic models.
- So when I get the game three years from now, I'll first spend three months painting, right?
- Yep. Or maybe make that five.
- Then I can listen to the audiobook, right?
- Sure, you can do so at your leisure, no hurry to play.
- Then when I play it will be easy-going right?
- Yes, you won't have to worry about any brain burning with us.
- And when I have finished, say five years from now, I won't have to go through it again, will I?
- No, that's a promise. We don't offer replayability, as you'll have 50 other games piled up by then. We value your time, we won't waste it.
- This is the golden age of board games. I am going all-in.
Today I saved hundreds of dollars. Now all I need is some cheap second-hand RPG paperback.
