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A Couple of Grumpies: Relaunch

Discussing the Kickstarter releases of October with JW.

Me: I remember you saying you didn't like 1066, Tears to Many Mothers as a solo game. I suppose 1565, St Elmo's Pay is similar.

JW: It's exactly the same but with Turks. Nothing changed in those 500 years. I didn't enjoy 1066 and sold it. I'm going to skip the whole buying step this time.

Me: Oathsworn. Storytelling. Your favourite genre.

JW: I'm not going to back another narrative game. Ever.

Me: But this time a Game of Thrones actor is going to read it to you.

JW: How? Is it on rails? No branching story line? Oh, an app. I can play it until my tablet gives up. Like two years.

Me: But Lord Mormont is reading it! It has special combat mechanics. Both dice and cards. Before the fight, you decide if you will roll dice or flip cards. You assess which medium will give you a better chance.

JW: I was actually interested in this one. Then they sent extremely long mails with updates. Now I am afraid the story will drag on and on. They say 45+ hours of gameplay. I wonder how many of it is listening to the audio that you can't speed up. A third?

Me: I don't know. You can always read those updates to find out.

JW: I'll do that instead of buying the game. I'll play Patience or Yahtzee in between, after assessing these mediums.

JW: Okay. The Dead Eye. Put on your 3D glasses.

Me: Yes. I can't do that.

JW: You also have to wear a funny hat. And play it outside.

Me: Next.

JW: Sex and Drugs and Rome and Roll. But those games by Turczi and Shaw are too heavy. By the time you've figured out how to play them solo, you're exhausted and play something else.

JW: Aeolis. Deep lore scenarios in an alternative ancient Greek setting. A matriarchal society. Tell me it's not to show boobs.

Me: *cringe* They look like Victoria's Secret models.

JW: Oh! We saw it at the UKGE!

Me: Yes. The designer said they like beautiful women...

JW: And that they have sexy men too.

Me: The 'lore' goes deep.

JW: It's nice promotion of your country though.

Me: Yes, it makes me proud.

Me: Calico is a cute game. I almost like it.

JW: What? Do you actually have a soft side?

Me: I said "almost".

JW: You said "cute".

JW: Pandemain has you making traditional bread recipes in the Middle Ages.

Me: I don't get the role of the Inquisition though. Can you make heretical bread? Should it be Pandemon?

Me: JW? Are you still there?

JW: I was reading about High Frontier 4 All, and my brain was fried. But you love Eklund.

Me: I wouldn't touch this because it's for scientists. But the problem is not accessibility. The problem is that these games are not meant to be played solo.

JW: The Hunted games are. And they are going to make all our favourite movies. Aliens with some dexterity mechanism. Flick your marines at the xenomorphs. Die Hard with dice.

Me: Dice Hard.

JW. I did not want to make that joke. Okay, I wanted to make that joke.

Me: I like the artwork in Forgotten Depths. But the only available review says it's too luck dependent.

JW: Well, good luck on them funding then.

JW: Hey, didn't you play Gods of Metal: The Chosen as a PnP?

Me: Yes. It's really tacky.

JW: Not the right kind of tacky?

Me: I would be interested if it looked like Cave Evil. It's a simple deck building game, nothing special.

JW: Except that it rocks. You say it's a relaunch, what happened the first time?

Me: It didn't fund.

JW: So many relaunches. Me: Gods of Metal relaunch, Searovers relaunch, Omicron Protocol relaunch, Titan relaunch, The Chiseled relaunch. We can relaunch our comments.

JW: What did we say last time?

Me: That September sucked.

JW: Okay. October sucks.

Image source: BGG
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